keller99

People say it will stop hurting and that the pain inside my heart and chest that huts so much and brings loneliness, depression the not wanting to eat  and blaming myself and thinking that i  don't deserved to be loved and cherished now or when i am older by any guy as i am not good enough. But they don't understand they don't understand how it feels to have grown from a bulb scared and insecure into a beautiful red rose all because of love and happiness and then to be crushed in the palm of a hand and thrown aside without a care or a second glance. that is what they don't understand that feeling.


Every girl wants to be a rose
A red rose, loved, cherished, beautiful and full of passion/power
A white rose loved,cherished, graceful and pure/innocent
A pink rose girlie,bouncy and full of sweetness

Such a shame that i  can't hurt, who have made me feel like i feel right now but i know if i make every single one of them suffer as i want to then shit will happen and my life will just get a thousand times worse and more fucked up than it already is at the moment and having this happening would probably push me over the edge of not eating, depression and maybe suicide. But who can blame me for feeling like not eating and being depressed when i an sick and tired of being told not good enough, not pretty enough, and to demanding and spoilt for guys. I never demand anything and i am not spoilt i am just in fact a nice kind,caring person who would help anyone if they asked as the only time i am angry,bitchy,or very sarcastic is when i am pissed of and beyond. but i am someone who has some trust issues because of her past but just wants to be loved and cared for who she really is inside.  and yes people i am moaning on here because then at least  i don't have to deal with all the slags/sluts ,idiots, dick-head's and the guys and ex boyfriends who act one way and then treat you another.(first being a friend then to loving you and make you a really happy person again and then end it after ages and then treating you like you don't mean anything to them as a friend or not speaking to you when you try to be friends with them again! All around me i have heard the saying all is fair in love and war well that is a load of shit and fuck in the real world as love is deferentially not all fair and neither is war. As my war is only just beginning as all the  slags/sluts ,idiots, dick-head's and the guys/ex boyfriends who act two ways may have started the battle but i will win the war as i am only just starting/warming up as i have a hell of a lot more damage to do that they will never know what has fucking hit then as i am not one to be messed with when i am angry/ furious and upset with people as i do not make empty threats especially when i have a mental hit list of people i don't like which i have had to change over the last few weeks by hey those people will just have to live with it.
Now to all you lovely people i apologise for this and am now of to listen to music watch an assortment of films(mainly harry potter, x men films, twilight, films with johnny depp, brad pitt and tom cruise in as well as the grudge, scream,and possibly all of the saws. As well as Sean of the dead and most defiantly Hot fuzz who can live without them) read even more book and fan fiction stories as well as write some. And deppending on how i feel and whether i can be bothered i may post some of my fan fiction stories up for you to read and comment.



I am fast, fierce, dangerous and  lethal so do not get on my on my bad side.

My story. I was bullied at my old school by my friends(girls) and then by the boys in my class for two years IT WAS TORRMENT  i became depressed and annorexic and then in my last year they told me that "i was worthless and that i did not deserve to live as i was doing this world no damm good" and for someone who was serverly mentaly and emotionly deppresed and annorexic this was the last straw i later tried to cut my wrists but could not do it. so i insted took an overdose of asprin and paracetomol in the school pe changing rooms and blacked out and collapsed. i then woke up to the head of pe Mr ford beanding over me as i was his star runner and student in a locked changing room doing cheast compressions to revive me. He then told me to explain and i shatered and broke down telling him everything including names of all my torrmenters. Because he knew i would tell no one else he became my  father figuer, my escape and life at school he made everything better and worthwhile  when i went to him. i even locked my freind maggie in a room to go see him and fell asleep with my head on his chest while we were in austria. now i have moved school and i don't have him to run to when i fell depressed any more and even now it is hard it breaks my heart.

But What would i do without my friend Jack? He knows this whole story almost of by heart and still has not gone off screaming insted he has picked me up (and prommised i will see my father figure mr ford again) when i am depressed and suicidel he has made me laugh and given me hugs and lay with my head on his chest while i have cried my eyes out or he has talked me out of strangling myself with a scalf and crossing in front of a car. he has contridickted all i was told he makes me laugh, he is utterly crazy, loverable,and huggable.
i honnestly don't know what or where i would be or  would do without you Jack(badger)

thank you
Ailish(your panther keller)


keller out.

○● B R I T I S H ○●
[] You drink a lot of tea.
[X] You know what a brolly is.
[] Deal or No Deal has taken over your life.
[] You wanted Ben to win X Factor.
[x] You use the word "bugger" or the phrase "bloody hell"
[] Fish and Chips are yummy.
[] You can eat a Full English Breakfast.
[] You dislike emos and/or chavs.
[x] Its football...not soccer.
[] You believe the correct way to spell 'Color'; is 'Colour', and 'Centre.'

Total: 2

○● A U S T R A L I A N ○●
[] You wear flip flops all year.
[] You call flip flops "thongs", not flip flops.
[] You love a backyard Barbie.
[X] You know a Barbie is not a doll.
[X] You love the beach.
[x] Sometimes you swear without realizing.
[x] You're a sports fanatic.
[] You are tanned.
[] You're a bit of a bogan.
[] You have an Australian something
Total: 4

○● I T A L I A N ○●
[] The Sopranos is a great show.
[] Your last name ends in a vowel.
[] Your grandmother makes her own sauces.
[] You know how a real meatball tastes.
[] You know Italian songs.
[X] You have dark hair and dark eye color.
[] You speak some Italian.
[ You are under 5'10".
[] You know what an Italian horn is.
[X] Pizza/spaghetti is the best food in the world!
[X] You talk with your hands.

Total: 3

○● S P A N I S H ○●
[] You say member instead of Remember.
[x] You speak Spanish or some.
[] You like tacos.
[] YoU TyPe lIkE ThIs On Da CoMpUtEr.
[] You are dark skinned. (YEAH RIGHT!!)
[] You know what a Puta is.
[X] You talk fast occasionally.
[x] You have had highlights or have dyed your hair.
[] You know what platanos are.

Total: 3

○● R U S S I A N ○●
[] You say villain as: Vee-lon.
[x] You get short tempered.
[X] You know of somebody named Natasha.
[x] You get cold easily.
[X] Rain is fun for you.
[X] You get into contests all the time.
[X] You can easily make do with the cold weather.

Total: 6

○● I R I S H ○●
[] You think beer is the best.
[x] You have a bad temper.
[X] Your last name starts with a Mc, Murph, O', Fitz or ends with a ley, on, un, an, in, ry, ly, y or L.
[x] You have blue or green eyes.
[x] You like the color green.
[] You have been to a St. Patty's day party.
[x] You have a family member from Ireland.
[] You have red hair.
[] You have/had freckles.
[] Your family get together always include drinking and singing.

Total: 5

○● A F R I C A N A M E R I C A N ○●
[] You say nigga/nukka casually.
[] You have nappy hair.
[] You like rap.
[X] You know how to shoot a gun.
[x] You think President George Walker Bush is racist.
[X] You like chicken.
[x] You like watermelon.
[x] You can dance.
[] You can sing gospel.

Total: 5

○● A S I A N ○●
[] You have slanty/small eyes.
[] You like rice a lot.
[] You are good at maths.
[ You have played the piano.
[] You have family from Asia.
[] You laugh sometimes covering your mouth.
[] Most people think you're Chinese.
[] You call hurricanes typhoons.
[] You go to Baulko.

Total: 0

○● G E R M A N ○●
[X] You like bread
[X] You think German Chocolate is good.
[] You speak some German.
[] You know what Schnitzel is.
[] You hate it when stupid people call you
[] You went to Pre-school.
[] You're over 5'2. (I think im about 5'2  )

Total: 2

○● C A N A D I A N ○●
[] You like/play/played hockey.
[x] You love beer.
[x] You say eh.
[] You know what poutine is.
[X] You speak some French.
[] You love Tim Horton's.
[] At one point you lived in a farm house.
[] You watch/watched Degrassi.

Total: 3

○● A M E R I C A N ○●
[x] You hate foreigners.
[] You hate non - Christians.
[X] You're lazy.
[] You have had an abortion.
[x] But love the penalty.
[] You don't read.
[x] You shop at Wal-Mart.
[]x You think this survey is rather biased.

Total: 5

○● B E L G I A N ○●
[] you grow some small vegetables in the yard.
[] you like French fries.
[X] you think Belgian chocolate rules.
[] you know that the 'official best beer in the world' is Belgian.
[] you speak both Dutch and French
[] you like Belgian waffles.
[] you call a pub or bar a café.
[x] you fully realize and acknowledge that your football team sucks.
[] you drive/own a French or German car.
[x] you have a lot of comments on your government.

Total: 3

○● D U T C H ○●
[] you like the colour orange.
[x] you are a football enthusiast.
[] you often go to 'coffee shops'.
[] you know what is meant by 'coffee shops'.
[x] you tend to overreact and show your emotions.
[x] you have a cheerful nature.
[X] you like the sea.
[X] you are good at building/handiwork/projects.
[] you tend to favour the megalomania.

total: 5


I an Russian then american and then dutch